Thursday, 17 November 2011


Today I feel SAD, extremely SAD, crying and crying and crying... Uncontrolably. As if there is no end to this sadness I'm feeling.

It's at times like these that I'm glad this is my last lifetime here on Earth. All of this just gets to much for me. I hope to be part of the change, to create a better place on Earth for the sensitive ones to thrive in the future.

I came here to find love. Just wanted to experience love. I would cry my heart out in movies like Avatar where they find their one true love and mate for life. All I ever dreamed of. All I ever wanted. My wish to be loved one more time truly, deeply, whole heartedly, before I leave this Earth plane. Stardust reminded me of how we view this plane and how special the love is here.

Somehow I feel I failed misarably on that level. As if my best was not good enough. My love was never enough... Yet that was the best part I could give. That's all of me I had to give that was of value.

Did I just come here to create closure. End off loose ends, fulfill vowes I made in previous life times?

Like the rain outside not seem to stop today, so does the tears that flow from within me also seem to be endless...

How do I get it right to release you? For I love you so deeply... Will I be ok again? How will I move on from this? How do I survive without you? How do I, How do I, How do I?

My heart is burning. I'm yearning to go home. I'm yearning to be with my family. My soul family that love me unconditionally... I'm yearning to be held. I'm yearning to feel safe and secure...

I am numb.

I have called in all my guides to surround me, help me, comfort me, hold me. I need all the help I can get.

I didn't see this coming. I didn't think of it. I didn't expect it.

After 6 hours of crying I'm becoming more calm now... Thank you ! Bless you !

Some changes are unforseen and I guess it is our Ego's that hold on to it.

Blow by blow, how much more Karma to go???